PS 3531 
.024 L3 
1921 
Copy 1 



LAUGH AND 
GROW WISE 

A PLAY IN ONE ACT 
^y, FREDERICK J. POHL 

"Our own folly shall be jester." 



Copyrieht. 1921. by Frederick J. Pohl 
All Rie:hts Reserved 



NOTICE 

Professionals and Amateurs are hereby 
warned that "Laugh and Grow Wise", 
being fully protected under the copy- 
right laws of the United States, is 
subject to a royalty and anyone present- 
ing the play without the consent of the 
author or his authorized agents will be 
liable to the penalties by law provided. 
Applications for professional and ama- 
teur acting rights must be made to 
Frederick J. Pohl 
359 Halsey St., Brooklyn, N. Y. 



Price -Thirty Cents 



m 



m 



LAUGH AND 
GROW WISE 

A PLAY IN ONE ACT 
Sa; FREDERICK J. POHL 



'As a spark from the flint to the faggots, so is 

mirth to the mind. Laughter gives light 

and flame to the brain. Without 

wit, there is no wisdom." 



Copyrisht, 1921, by Frederick J. Pohl 
All Rights Reserved 



NOTICE 

Professionals and Amateurs are hereby 
warned that "Laugh and Grow Wise", 
being fully protected under the copy- 
right laws of the United States, is 
subject to a royalty and anyone present- 
ing the play without the consent of the 
author or his authorized agents will be 
liable to the penalties by law provided. 
Applications for professional and ama- 
teur acting rights must be made to 
Frederick J. Pohl 
359 Halsey St., Brooklyn, N. Y. 



r --5 KB-" «) o i 



JUN 20 19^1 



IG1.D 57944 



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LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



CHARACTERS 

THE KING 

THE KING'S JESTER 

THE GRAND VIZIER 

THE KING'S JUDGE 

THE CAPTAIN OF THE KING'S ARMY 

A COURTIER 

A MERCHANT 

A SLAVE 

THE QUEEN 

MIRIGA, THE PRINCESS 

TIME — When things were new under the sun 
PLACE — Near the edge of the earth 
SETTING — A king's court 

ACTING TIME— 50 minutes 

SYNOPSIS 

The Jester, through the scheming of the Grand Vizier, is 
condemned by the King to be out of favor until he can make 
men laugh at themselves. A Merchant from a far country comea 
to sell a marvel, (the first mirror In the prehistoric world), 
which the Jester purchases, as soon as he discovers that in it 
men can see themselves as they appear to others. With the aid 
of the mirror, the Jester makes the boastful Captain fear his 
own image, causes the Courtier to flatter himself, the proud 
Queen to find fault with her own fair face, and the King and all 
the court to perceive their own folly. The play ends when the 
Jester wins the Princess and forces the Grand Vizier to laugh 
at himself. 



PROPERTIES 

A hand mirror and a king's ttirone. 

SCENERY 

No special scenery required. A chair covered with yellow 
cloth will serve as the king's throne. Red hangings on the wall 
behind the throne will satisfactorily suggest the king's court. 

COSTUMES 

Oriental. Draped cloth will be effective for the men. 

A symbolic color scheme is suggested to harmonize with 
the characters represented: The King and Queen, purple and 
white; the jealous Grand Vizier, green; the cowardly Captain, 
yellow; the flattering Courtier, pink; the Judge, all black; the 
rich Merchant, red; the Slave, brown and white; the Princess, 
orange and white; the Jester, principally orange and white, with 
green, blue, red, and gray trimmings. 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



{The King is on his throne. Grouped around him are the Jester, 
the Grand Vizier, the Judge, the Captain of the King's 
Army, and the Courtier. All, except the Vizier, are 
laughing) . 

Jester — And so, King, as he came out of the Temple, his clothes 
were all awry like those of a man who has no slave to 
dress him. 

(TJie King and the others laugh heartily, except the Vizier, who 
froicns). 

King — (suddenly serious, upon observing the Vizier's frown) — 
I do not wish to laugh at anything that is not funny. 

ViziEB — He is a stupid fool, King. 

Jester — A terrible fate befell the man who would not laugh! 

King — Tell us. 

Jester — He grew thin. 

King— Why? 

Jester — His belly had no exercise. 

(The King and others laugh. The Vizier frowns). 

King — {sxiddenly serious, to Vizier) — I do not wish to laugh at 
what Is silly. 

Vizier — Thou dost well, my Lord. What is this talk of bellies 
where brains are needed for affairs of state? 

King — I wish I had as much brains as belly. — Ah me! — Laugh- 
ter is pleasant. It giveth easement from the pains of 
much eating. 

Vizier — True, my Lord. But laughter cometh at the expense of 
brains. 

Jester — Not so, my Lord. There may be brains in laughter as 
well as belly. 

Vizier — This fool, my Lord, would turn philosopher. 

Jester— Knowledge without laughter is worse than folly. 

Vizier — Sensible men have nought to do with jesting. 

Jester — As a spark from the flint to the faggots, so is mirth to 
the mind. Laughter gives light and flame to the brain. 
Without wit, there is no wisdom. 

Vizier — {sneering) My Lord, a reasonable man must needs tire 
of such idle fancies. 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Jester — Thy solemn mirthlessness would make a fool weep! 
(Imitates weeping). 

ViziEK — None but a fool laughs at thy jests! 

Jester — The King laughed at them. — Thou dost call the King 
a fool! 

Vizier — The gods forbid! — The King's mind did not laugh, even 
though his mouth appeared to do so. 

King — Let the Judge prepare to give judgment. {The Judge 
stands forth) Did I laugh, or did I not? 

Judge — The King laughed, but against his will. 

Vizier — (to the Jester) — Because of thee, the King was forced, 
against his will, to seem like a fool! 

King — What judgment shall be passed upon the King's Jester? 

Judge — A fool's punishment should be heavy. — Let him be out 
of favor until he makes men laugh at themselves. 

Vizier — A judgment, King, a judgment! 

Courtier — A most sagacious Judge! 

Vizier — What sayest, Fool? 

Jester — I know not; but someday, you shall all — laugh at your- 
selves! 

{All laugh derisively) . 

King — If we do, thou wilt be such a jester as never was. — 
(standing) But, until thou canst make us do so, remain 
from our presence. Otherwise, if thou enterest our pres- 
ence, thou diest! — Come, let us go forth to the gardens. 
(Exit left the King, Vizier, and Judge). 

Captain — I shall never be so simple as to laugh at myself! 

Courtier — Nor I! 

Captain — The thing is impossible. 

Courtier — There is nothing about thee, brave Captain, at which 
any one could laugh. 

Captain — I thank thee for thy praise, honest Courtier. 

(Exit left the Captain and Courtier. The Jester drops his 'bauble, 
and kicks it far from him. Enter the Princess left). 

Princess — Why art thou angry? 

Jester — I am in disgrace before the King. — The Vizier spake 
malicious words against me. 

Princess — The Vizier is over-crafty. 

Jester — He schemeth for a rich prize. 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Princess — What prize? 

Jester — Thy hand In marriage. 

Princess — No! No! — Thou must save me! 

Jester — I am powerless. 

Princess — Hath It not been decreed that no man may ask the 
hand of one who Is betrothed to another? 

Jester — Yea, but thou art not betrothed? — (eagerly) — Unless? — 
(sadly) — Tell me, who Is the man? 

Princess — Art thou not glad that I may be saved from the 
Vizier? — Yet thou askest in tones of sorrow, "Who is the 
man?" 

Jester — I am glad. — Nay, I am sorry. — Nay, I know not. 

Princess — Glad and sorry, and which thou art, thou knowest not. 
Sorry and glad, and which shalt thou be when thou 
knowest? 

Jester — What dost thou mean? 

Princess — I tell no man my meanings. Let him guess, whose 
heart can read riddles. (Crossing to right). 

Jester — Thou meanest? — Nay, but can it be? (about to embrace 
her) 

Princess — Hush! — My mother, the Queen! (Jester to extreme 
right; Princess center). 

(Enter left the Queen, attended by the Captain and the Courtier). 

Queen — (at left) Miriga, it pleases me to find thee in profitable 
converse with so wise a man as the King's Jester. 

Jester — I thank your Majesty. 

Courtier — (moves behind Queen to center) Is that all the Fool 
says: "I thank your Majesty"? — This is the way he should 
return a compliment: Peerless Queen — Model of all per- 
fections! — Thy graciousness is excelled only by thy 
sagacity. — That I am wise, is due only to the influence 
of thy wisdom. 

Queen — There speaks the honest Courtier. 

Courtier — But indeed, peerless Queen, (bowing) there is doubt 
of the Fool's wisdom. He fell, to-day, into disfavor with 
the King. 

Queen — Thou knewest this, Miriga, yet held speech with him? — 
Fie on thee, foolish girl! 

Princess — I pitied him. 

Queen — Whom the King dislikes. Is not for thee to pity. 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Captaix — (ot center) Say the word, O Queen, and I will choke 
the Fool with one hand, just as I choked the dragon 
Melkishiboo. 

Pbincess — Keep thy chokings for brutes like thyself! 

Queen — Miriga! 

Pbincess — {crossing left) Your Majesty, perchance the Queen's 
word will move the King in the Jester's behalf. 

Queen — Come away, simpleton! — Dost think I have breath to 
waste for a fool and jester? — Come, attend me. 

(Exit left the Queen, Princess, Captain, and Courtier). 

{The Jester flings himself on the floor left of center, dejectedly) . 

{Enter right a Slave, followed by a Merchant, who is carrying 
under his arm, a flat object wrapped in a cloth). 

Slave — This way to the King's court! — Wait here, Owner of 
Many Camels, if thou wouldst see the King. 

Merchant — It is well, Slave.— Go forth to the gate and speak to 
my men. Tell them thou hast admitted me to the King's 
palace. They will give thee dates and a gourd of wine. 

Slave — rich Trader with Many Camels! May thy gods prosper 
thy buying and selling! {Exit Slave right). 

Merchant — If my gods do not, I will get other gods. {To 
Jester) — By thy dress, a King's fool. — Friend, I would 
make a trade with thee. 

Jester — I have no heart for trading. 

Merchant — {shaking his head) — Thou art a fool Indeed. — Come, 
let gold cure thy folly. 

Jester — I do not keep my wits in my purse. 

Merchant — Do me a favor, then, and for the recovery of thy 
wits, I will — pray to my second-best god. 

Jester — The plague take thee, and thy whole wardrobe of gods! 

Merchant — Woe to thee, blasphemer! 

Jester — Thy gods can do me no harm. 

Merchant — Yea, sooth. My gods have no power so far from 
their own country. This land of thine is wellnigh at the 
edge of the earth. — I was not prudent to come so far away 
from the wrath of my gods. 

Jester — Why hast thou come? 

Merchant — I have a treasure to sell, a marvel, the like of which 
no man hath ever seen before. Wilt thou behold this 
marvel? 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Jester — I care not. 

Merchant — It Is something most strange, a thing which per- 
chance thy King may purchase. Help me sell it to him. 

Jester — (turning from Merchant) I am no driver of bargains. 

Merchant — But this is not like any marvel that ever was. — The 
merchant who sold It me found it lying beside a water 
pool in the great desert. It was on the way from that 
land in the north where the first weapons of iron were 
fashioned. Men said: "There can be no metal harder 
than bronze", and they trusted in the strength of bronze. 
Then came the barbarians from the north, and men felt the 
sting of iron swords. Then got we iron weapons to our- 
selves, and cast away the bronze, and drove back the 
barbarians. In the memory of those now living, men first 
got those iron weapons. 

Jester — The Captain of the King's Army will heed thy talk of 
weapons. 

Merchant — Nay, by my gods! This marvel is no weapon. — It is 
a thing of magic. I surmise, from the place of its finding, 
that it was devised by skilful magicians who dwell, men 
say, among the fierce tribes in the north. 

Jester — depart from me, with thy tiresome gods and thy 
magic! 

Merchant — Like every fool, thou art blind to thy opportunities. 
(Crossing right) — A King's Jester, and yet thou wilt not 
even look at a marvel that will make thy King laugh. 

Jester (rising to his feet and crossing to Merchant) — Make the 
King laugh? 

Merchant — Yea, sooth. 

Jester — Where is it? Let me see it! 

Merchant— Ah! Now art thou eager to set eyes to the business. 
Well, thou Shalt look through the marvel. 

Jester — Look through it? 

Merchant — It is not the appearance of the marvel that is strange. 
The magic lies in the amusing things one can see throtigh 
the marvel. Why, through the marvel, I have seen men 
and camels, and the great desert, and palm trees, and city 
walls. However, these things were not so amusing as one 
funny old man I always see through the marvel. He has 
the face of a jolly rogue, and when he grins, (grinning) 
he shows his teetli In a most comical way. I cannot help 
laughing at him. (laughing) — Well, here is the marvel. 
Look through. (He hands the marvel to the Jester). 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Jestee — {after a pause, during which he examines with surprise 
the marvel and the image of himself and of liis bauble 
within it) — Why, I see a man dressed like a king's jester! 
There are traces of tears on his cheeks. 

Merchant — Like thee, he must have been weeping. 

Jester — Like me — {He makes gestures before the marvel) — Why, 
this is strange. How can this be? 

Merchant — What dost thou see now? 

Jester — Why, there, behind the jester, I see thee! 

Merchant — Me! — Nay, not so. — That is the funny old man of 
whom I told thee. See, he is laughing at us! 

Jester — {comparing the Merchant with his likeness) — He is 
laughing at himself! 

Merchant — Himself? — I do not understand. 

Jester — {eagerly) This marvel is for sale. — Wilt thou sell it to 
me? 

Merchant — Canst thou pay the price? 

Jester — How much dost thou ask for it? 

Merchant — Let me see. {Slowly crossing left) — I have brought 
it many day's journey across tlie desert. — It is a very 
great magic. — The times are very bad. — The price of 
camels is very high. 

Jester — I did not ask for the price of camels, but for the price 
of this! 

Merchant — It will cost thee the weight of four hundred barley 
grains in gold. 

Jester — Four hundred! — I will give thee two hundred. 

Merchant — Thou saidst thou wast no driver of bargains! 

Jester — Two hundred or nothing! 

Merchant — Thy King may offer more. 

Jester — The King may not buy at all. — See, here Is two hundred 
grains' weight of gold. 

Merchant — It is a purchase! — The marvel is thine. {Jester pays 
the Merchant) . 

Merchant — {crossing to right) As I journey back towards the 
wrath of my gods, I am sad to think that I shall not have 
the funny old man with me to laugh at. 

Jester — He will ride on one of thy camels. 

Merchant — Thou art joking. — How can he do that, when he Is 
in the marvel? 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Jester — (aside) The King will enjoy this! 

Merchant — Let me take one last look at the funny old man in 
the marvel, — a look to remember. — Thou saidst but now 
that he was laughing at himself. 

Jester — Well, look! — Is he not? 

Merchant — He is laughing at me. 

Jester — Thou art laughing at thyself! 

Merchant — I ? 

Jester — The secret of this magic is this: all things that are, 
appear like themselves through the marvel. Thou seest 
thyself, and therefore thou laughest. 

Merchant — Thou meanest that he — is I? 

Jester — Yea. 

Merchant — And I — am he? 

Jester — Yea. 

Merchant — Then I — am a funny old man? 

Jester — I never said so. 

Merchant — I did. I called myself a funny old man! I apologize! 
— I must have the marvel back! 

Jester — It is mine now. 

Merchant — But I have sold myself! — I must have it back! 

Jester — (springing out of his reach) — Nay, I shall call the 
King's guards to put thee out! 

Merchant — Alas! — I am afraid to journey towards the wrath of 
my gods, leaving myself behind. 

Jester — Depart from the palace, or I call the guards! 

Merchant — I will go, even though I must leave myself in thy 
power. I will hasten away from thy city. But I implore 
thee, good King's Jester, let no harm befall me! 

Jester — Go! — Betake thee to thy camels — Go! 

Merchant — If my gods were not so far away, I would bid them 
curse thee! 

(Exit Merchant right). 

Jester— Go!— Ha! Ha! Ha! — matchless marvel!— Through 
thee, shall I see the Princess married to the King's Jester? 

(Enter left the King and the Vizier. The Vizier catches sight of 
the Jester and calls the King's attention to him). 

King — How now, Fool! Did I not command thee to keep from 
our presence until thou couldst make us laugh at ourselves? 



12 LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Jestek — King, I have obeyed thee. 

Vizier — Darest thou assert that the King's person Is so lacking 
in dignity as to deserve being laughed at, even though it 
be by the King himself? 

Kino — Darest thou. Fool? 

Jester — The Grand Vizier shall answer his own questions when 
he hath seen his own folly. — As for thee, King, be pleased 
to look through this marvel, wherein thou shalt behold 
great mysteries. 

King — I fear the headsman awaits thee. Fool. 

Vizier — The executioner cannot make him more truly a fool 
without a head than he hath by nature always been. 

King — {taking the marvel in hand) — What is this? 

Jester — That Is the wrong side, O King. Look through the 
other way. — So. 

King — (frowning) Villain! Who dares frown in the presence of 
the King? Wliat, wretch! Dost tliou front me thus? — Down, 
down with thy face! — Thou wilt not obey me! — Darest thou 
mutter words in thy throat when the King speaks? — 
Silence, I say, and down! — What! Dost thou clench thy 
fist at me? — Woe to thee, traitor! — Fool, thou saidst thou 
wouldst make me laugh, but now, by the gods of my 
mother, 1 was never so angry as at this moment! 

Vizier — Condemn the traitor in the marvel to instant execution, 
King. 

King — Traitor, thou diest! (The King, holding the marvel in 
his left hand, plunges forward with dagger in Jiis right 
hand, stabbing. Amazed at his failure to reach the man in 
the marvel, he stops, looks behind the back of the marvel, 
advances again, and stops). — He eludes me! He Is here 
before me, yet I can catch him not! — Stand, then, and 
hear thy sentence! — Yea, move thy lips If tliou must, but 
listen! — I, the King, denounce thee as traitor to our royal 
throne, and condemn thee to execution within the hour! 

Jester — Stop, King! — Thou knowest not whom thou dost 
condemn! 

King — Silence, Fool! — (to the image in the marvel) I condemn 
thee to execution within the hour, whenever it shall be 
discovered who thou art! By the gods of my mother and 
my great aunt, I, the King, have sworn it! 

Vizier — My Lord, let me see the condemned villain. Then, if he 
escape througli the magic of the marvel, I shall know him 
again when I chance to meet him, and thus deliver him 
to justice. 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 13 

{The King hands the Vizier the marvel). 

ViziEB — Oh! What a black and evil face! — What a wicked vil- 
lain! — He is indeed a traitor, King! He looks capable 
of all deceit. Never trust a man with such eyes, and such 
a mouth, King! — See those thin and grasping fingers! — 
He is avaricious, and hath an over-weenlng ambition. A 
man to be feared, O King, and one to be slain as one slays 
scorpions! 

Jester — {laughing) — A judgment! King, a judgment! 

Vizier — How now. Fool? 

Jester — The Grand Vizier hath perfectly described — himself. 

Vizier — Described myself? 

Jester — {Taking marvel from the Vizier) — This marvel, O King, 
is not like unto an open gate in the wall of thy city, 
through which one may see the world beyond the wall. 
— But it is a magic device for the King's amusement, for 
it shows men to their own eyes as they appear to others. 
What we see within the marvel is a perfect copy of our- 
selves. — The Grand Vizier described himself! 

King — And by so doing, revealed what manner of man he really 
is? {ascending throne) — I shall take warning against him 
from his own lips. 

Vizier — {kneeling) Mercy, King! — When I looked through the 
marvel, I was not myself. — I was beside myself with rage. 
I spoke words as against a traitor, from the depth of my 
anger, and not from careful observing of the man I saw 
through the marvel, {rises) Besides, hatli the King for- 
gotten that he hath given condemnation of execution within 
the hour upon himself, by the King's vow that must not be 
broken? — This is the Fool's doing! 

King — Woe is me! — I have given judgment upon myself! 

Jester — Nay, O King. — This marvel is but an instrument for 
jests.— Let call the court, one or two at a time, and observe 
with merriment how each will describe himself. 

King — {laughing) It will be sport! — Let call the Captain and one 
other. 

{The Jester, looking off left, claps his hands. The Slave appears 
right, eating the last of his dates, sucking Jiis fingers, and 
drinking from a cocoanut gourd). 

Jester — Slave! {The Slave drops the gourd). — The King calls 
for the Captain and one other! 

Slave — {crosses to left) — The Captain! The Captain! The Cap- 
tain to the King's court! The Captain and one other! The 
Captain! The Captain! — {Exit Slave left). 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



King — (faking the marvel from the hands of the Jester) — How 
awe-inspiring I look when I am angry! — How dignified 
when I frown! — How like a King when I raise my fist! 

ViziEK — How like a god when thou showest wrath! 

King — Do I so? — Nay! — See, I am smiling at my own conceit! 
(King seats himself). 

(Enter left the Captain and the Courtier. The Vizier crosses to 
right). 

King — Brave Captain, our Jester hath a thing to show thee. 

Jester — (taking the marvel) — Thou art called the "brave" Cap- 
tain? 

Captain — And justly so. — Did I not choke with one hand the 
dragon Melkishlboo, and overthrow in single combat six 
barbarians? — Did I not do this at night when other men 
slept? — Did I not slay, in the darkness, the giant who was 
found dead in the desert at dawn? 

Jesteb — So hath the King been told. 

Captain — Am I not feared for my strength and courage more 
than any other in the King's court? 

Jester — So hast thou often told the King. 

Captain — Am I not he that desplseth fear? — (advancing to Jester 
menacingly) Doth any man deny it? 

Jester — No man denies it. — Therefore, brave Captain, the King 
would have thee give exhibition of thy bravery. 

Captain — What must I do? 

Jester — He desires thee to meet face to face a warrior who hath 
never been defeated. 

Captain — Never defeated? — Where is he? 

Jester — The King bids thee gaze defiantly upon that warrior, — 
to meet his courage with courage, his boldness with bold- 
ness, his anger with anger, and his blows with blows! 

Captain — Is this warrior a very fierce fighter? 

Jester — He hath always been thought fierce — and dangerous, and 
therefore hath the King chosen thee to meet him face to 
face. 

Captain — But — but — 

Jester — Here, in this marvel, is the man whom thou must face! 

(The Jester holds the marvel before the face of the Captain. The 
Captain cowardly backs away from the marvel, and the 
Jester follows him up). 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 15 



Captain — No! No! (raising his arms in self defence) — Strike me 
not! I never injured thee! 

(The Jester stops following him. The Captain sees that the King, 
Vizier, and Jester are laughing at him, and he falls on 
his knees). 

Captain— I confess, King!— I have been a boaster. But I swear 
by the gods I am not a coward; only, I have a great fear 
of death. 

King — Never boast again, and we forgive thee. 

Jesteb — Hereafter, the fierce warrior in the marvel shall be held 
the bravest man In the King's court. (Jester whispers to 
King and, laughing, points to Courtier). The brave war- 
rior hath heard much praise spolien of the truthfulness of 
the honest Courtier, and fain would make his acquaint- 
ance. 

CouBTiER — I am honored far above my humble deserts. Why 
should the great warrior deign to speak to so small, so 
Insignificant a man as I? I am but an Ill-vlsaged, although 
honest courtier, with no worth but what Is bestowed upon 
me by the world's greatest King! (hows). 

Jester — The King himself hath not yet seen his new favorite, 
the formidable warrior. Therefore, the King desires that 
the honest Courtier, who always speaks sincerely, from the 
bottom of his heart, shall describe the warrior to the court. 

Coubtiee — I shall describe the warrior most exactly. 

(The Jester holds the marvel "before the Courtier, who tows re- 
peatedly in salutation to the image in the marvel. Then 
he speaks to the image). 

Coubtiee — Ah! Thou art a handsome man! How broad are thy 
shoulders! What a stalwart figure thou hast! I admire thy 
superb muscles and gigantic limbs! — Thou art larger and 
more handsome than any one I ever saw, except the King, 
■ whose person is the most elegant and sublime of all the sons 
of men, superior to thine, just as thine Is superior to mine. 
(towing to King). 

King — An oily-mouthed flatterer! — "Honest" Courtier indeed! 

Jester — If it be the King's pleasure, let call the Queen and the 
Princess. 

King — Let them be called. 

(The Jester claps hands and the Slave appears left). 

Jestee — Call the Queen and the Princess. 

Slave — The Queen! The Queen! The Queen to the King's court! 
The Queen and the Princess! The Queen! The Queen! 

(Exit Slave left). 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



CouBTiEK — {crosses to right) The King calls me flatterer. If I 
ever flattered any man, O King, It was but to win a place 
among those who find the warmth of the King's smile more 
precious than the beams of the sun in a garden of flowers. 

King — Umph! Thou mightst have said worse, — (rising) The 
Queen and the Princess! 

(Enter the Queen and the Princess left). 

Queen — My Lord, the King. 

King — my Queen, I have called thee to have thee meet here a 
woman whom my heart tells me Is supremely beautiful. 

Queen — Hath the King so soon forsaken me for a rival? 

King — Nay, but see her of whom I have spoken. 

Queen — Does my Lord ask me to look upon her who has stolen 
from me his love? 

King — It is my command. 

Queen — Cruel! 

King — If it grieves thee, O my Queen, thou needst not look upon 
her. 

Queen — (crossing right) Then I will not look upon her! 

King — Thou mayst look or not look, according to thine own pleas- 
ure. Here, in this marvel. Is the woman whom I most 
admire. 

Queen — Let me see her! (The Jester holds the marvel before the 
Queen). 

Queen — (after a pause, during ichich she chokes back a sob) — So 
this is she whom my Lord admires! — Cat! — Brazen-faced 
hussy! — Bold thing! 

King — (laughing) Name to me, Queen, what thou thinkest her 
best graces. 

Queen — Graces? — She hath none. 

King — Then, what are her faults? 

Queen — Faults! Everything! (Encouraged by the King's laugh- 
ter, she proceeds). — Her eyebrows are uneven! — One of 
them is drawn crooked! — Her hair is too dark! — Her eyes 
are too light! — Her nose is too big; and besides, it turns 
up at the end! — Her neck is too fat, and her chin Is double! 

King — And those lips I have so often kissed? 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 



Queen — Did they never leave marks of the rouge on thine? 

King — Sometimes, I must confess. 

Queen — As I thought, my Lord. The wench's chief fault is that 
she doesn't know how to paint! And she powders abom- 
inably! 

King — What, at a venture, wouldst thou guess as her age? 

Queen — Her age? — If she is a day old, she is well over forty! 

King — {roaring with mirth) — Let the Princess see the wench. 

(The Queen steps aside; the Princess advances to the marvel, 
which the Jester holds before her). 

King — Daughter, why dost thou start and stare? What thinkest 
thou of the forty-year old wench? 

Princess — I can scarce think her to be forty, and as for her 
looks — 

Queen — Yea! For her looks — ! 

Princess — But as for her looks, — I must agree with the Queen. 

Jester — O King, was there ever seen such a marvel? 

(The Jester and the King laugh and consult together. The Prin- 
cess steps over to the Queen). 

Princess — I am sorry for thee, my mother. 

Queen — Why so, child? 

Princess — I did not think the wench very old nor very ugly. 

Queen — What! — Thou art blind! 

Princess— Nay, sooth. I thought her the loveliest girl I have 
ever seen. 

Queen — Impertinent child! Must I take insults from my daugh- 
ter, as well as from my Lord? 

Princess — Nay, mother. — I say but what I think. 

Queen — What thou thinkest, indeed! — And now thou wilt join 
thy father in scorning thy mother! 

King — Enough, woman! — Peace! — Now I bethink me, it is more 
like that ye will join each other in weeping for me, the 
King. I remember me that I have passed judgment of ex- 
ecution within the hour upon myself. 

Jester — Nay, but it was in jest! 



18 LAUGH AND GROW WISE 

Vizier — Jest or no jest, the King hath passed his word. 

King — I am undone! 

Vizier — There is a way of hope for the King, If he will heed my 
counsel, rather than that of the Fool. 

King — Yea, tell me! 

Vizier — Let call the Judge. — He is learned In the making of vows, 
and perchance may release the King from his oath. 

King — Let call the Judge. {The Vizier claps his hands. The Slave 
appears left). 

Vizier — Call the Judge. 

Slave — The Judge! The Judge! The Judge to the King's court! 
The Judge! The Judge! (Exit Slave left). 

Vizier — By giving heed to this Fool's marvel, the King hath un- 
happily learned the price of folly. 

Jester — To know the price of folly, is worth a man's happiness, 

(Enter the Judge left). 

Judge — The King hath called me from profound meditations on 
equity, jurisprudence, and the principles of justice. 

King — ^Let the Judge prepare to give judgment. 

Vizier — The King unwittingly hath condemned to execution with- 
in the hour one who is as dear to the King as the King's 
own person. The King wishes to know If he may forbid 
the execution. 

Judge — Did the King condemn with an oath? 

Vizier — The King swore by the gods of his mother and his great 
aunt, but — 

Judge — Then, the King's word must not be broken! 

Vizier — But the King — 

Judge — The King's oath is more sacred than the King; for it is 
his oath! — Let the execution proceed. 

King — But I don't want the execution! 

Judge — If the King breaks his oath, the authority of the King is 
weakened. If the authority of the King is weakened, the 
law loses its terror. If the law loses its terror, the King's 
Judge loses his power. Therefore, the King must keep 
his oath! (The King groans). 



LAUGH AND GROW WISE 19 

ViziEB — The King will reward the Judge If he gives contrary 
judgment. 

Judge — The King must not break his oath! 

King — (groaning) — Oh! — (to the Vizier) — Thou unprofitable 
counsellor! Thou didst prompt me to call upon the Judge! 

Jestee — Let the King rejoice that he hath a wiser counsellor than 
the Grand Vizier. Here, in this marvel, O King, is a new 
and most learned Judge, who will declare false the judg- 
ment which the King's Judge hath given. 

JxiDGE — Will the King give ear to this babbler? 

Jesteb — It is fitting and proper that the King's Judge pass upon 
the ability of the Judge in the marvel. 

(The Jester holds the marvel before the King's Judge). 

Judge — Call ye this man a judge? — What a witless old numskull! 
I have grave doubts of his perspicacity. He seemeth full 
of misapprehension, confusion and misconceptions. I never 
beheld such a wrong-headed, jaundiced, purblind, illiberal, 
intolerant, fanatical dogmatist! — Believe him not, King! 
■ — I, the King's Judge, hereby declare this to be a most 
falsely pretentious and unrighteous judge. Furthermofe, 
I declare that whatever judgments this legal imposter hath 
ever judged, or shall judge, are null and void in the King's 
realm forever! 

KnTG — I am saved! 

Jester — Hear ye, one and all, the mystery of the marvel into 
which ye have looked. — Within the marvel, each of you 
hath seen the semblance of himself as a living image, 
created by the magic of the marvel. 

King — Thou, "brave" Captain, didst fear thyself! 

Captain — Then that is why I was afraid! For who Is there in 
all this land, fierce enough to make me fear him, save, of 
course, myself? 

King — Thou, "honest" Courtier, didst flatter thyself! 

CouBTiEE — But what I said of thee, O King was not flattery! 

King — We censure thee not, since thou flatterest so well. — As for 
thee, Judge, — 

Judge — (hastily) — I reverse my decision in the case of the King's 
oath! 

King — The Jester shall be King's Judge hereafter. 



20 LAUGH AND GROW WISE 

Queen — If the Jester becomes the Judge, who shall be Jester, and 
make us merry? 

Jestee — Our own follies. 

King — And the Jester, as Judge, with the marvel, shall test the 
thieves and liars, and let them judge themselves, whether 
they be honest men or no. 

Queen — Nay, my Lord; I can make better use of the marvel. 

King — How? 

Queen — (taking the marvel from the Jester's hand) — With a mar- 
vel like this, a woman need never grow ugly and old. 

King — Thou didst disparage thine own fair face. — Rather than 
think of thee as thou didst describe thyself, I shall prefer 
to think thee still beautiful, and, for love of me, — a liar! 
— Come to my arms! (The Queen goes gladly to the King's 
side). — Tell me truly, love, how old art thou? 

Queen — As young as I really look. 

King — As for Miriga, the Princess — 

Jester — As for Miriga, the Princess — She saw in the marvel the 
most beautiful woman in all the world! (The Jester moves 
over to the Princess, who throws herself into his arms). 

King — So ho! — That way the wind blows? — I wonder, — did the 
Jester see all that In the marvel? 

Princess — My Lord, the Jester saw in the marvel, the wisest man 
in the King's court. 

King — Then he shall marry the Princess. 

Vizier — But the King said that the Fool should be out of favor 
until he made us all laugh at ourselves. — I have not yet 
laughed at myself. 

Jester — Then thou hast much laughing to do! 

King — (threateningly to the Vizier) — Laugh! — Laugh! 

Vizier — (at first painfully and disgustedly, but soon heartily, 
laughs). 

Jester — Laugh at thyself and grow wise! 

(Curtain) 



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